I promise I didn't disappear, I have been out of commission with a broken hand. While not impossible, it just took too long for me to try and type a blog post every week. Now my hand has healed enough for me to type again. More chess articles to come!
For me it was a last minute decision to play in the 2017 Carolina's Classic tournament. I was originally going to play in the US Open this year. However, other obligations hindered me from playing. Therefore, I decided to play in a local tournament.
Before we get any further: A huge thank you to Peter, Walter, and Rudy for making it an amazing event. Thank you to everyone behind the scenes that I didn't get to see or don't know the names to the faces. Without people sacrificing time and sometimes money we wouldn't have these great events. Thank you!
I had played in the first Carolina's Classic tournament in 2016. In fact, I scored 4.0/5 which was half a point behind tied first. I felt I was better this time around. I thought I could take first place this year in the U1800 section with my training that I had been doing.
Well, thinking and doing are two different things.
This was a very mentally draining tournament for me. I hope to share not only the game analysis but also the mental and emotional struggle that one can experience through a tournament like this.
Alright, enough babbling let's get to the chess. I will update this within a week with the analysis of the games. I simply wanted to get the mental and human aspect of my experience of the tournament out first.
I was confident leading up to the tournament until a few days before when I started to doubt my abilities in the opening. This was caused by a terrible game I had played during the 5th round of the Tuesday Night Action tournament. I had a losing position after 10 moves! It was a confidence killer for sure.
I was confident leading up to the tournament until a few days before when I started to doubt my abilities in the opening. This was caused by a terrible game I had played during the 5th round of the Tuesday Night Action tournament. I had a losing position after 10 moves! It was a confidence killer for sure.
I had decided to play the 3 day option so my first round game was at 730pm Friday night. My first round opponent was Kiru Mendez. A friendly blitz competitor after our Tuesday night games. I usually have an advantage over him so I was happy to see this match up. While I didn't think it was going to be easy, I felt comfortable since I already knew his style of play.
Well, the game was going my way and then against my own judgement of playing "simple chess", I decided to complicate matters and then failed to convert one more time to end up in time pressure and refusing a draw with 9 seconds on my clock due to being stubborn.
Here is the final winning position for me:
After feeling like I should have won and not, I decided to do something I never do. I reentered the tournament.
My "first" round game was at 10am Saturday morning. This time I was paired against Luke Harris and I had a 2-1 record against him. I had the White pieces which meant I was going to see the Dragon variation of the Sicilian defense. Sure enough I did. This time I grabbed my pawn early in the game but it allowed way too much activity for his pieces and my King succumbed to his fiery dragon.
Man. At this point in the tournament I am in the exact same position of 0/1. However, mentally I was 0/2. I tried to mentally remind myself that I still only had 1 loss and that I won money last year with only losing one game.
This didn't work. My confidence was falling faster than American's trust in our political system.
Then round 2 was here. I wanted a win. I needed a win for my mental state. I chose to play the Dutch against his 1. d4. I was playing it pretty well too and then I left a crucial pawn without any defenders and the strategic poison of the Dutch started to corrode my position and mind. Another loss.
Tournament showed me 0/2. But my mind was telling me 0/3. Ouch!
I took a walk over to Boardwalk Billy's and got some chicken tenders. They usually make me feel better. Usually.
I walk back and challenge some people to blitz games and even though I lose 90% of them it got my excitement for chess back.
I had considered withdrawing and spending the rest of the weekend with my family. Not that I don't love my family but I had worked too hard to just give up.
Alright, time for round 3. Time to turn this around, hopefully. I just wish my mind would stop reminding me I was really 0/3.
Finally, my mind clicked through to chess mode and my opponent made a mistake in the opening to lose a central pawn in the Ruy Lopez. Then I decided to go on a Napoleon-like conquering expedition of the entire board. Meanwhile I allowed my king to be stabbed through the weak holes like Julius Caesar. Once we traded down, I think my opponent had a final chance to put some nails in my coffin in a King, Rook, and pawns endgame. However, he failed to keep the pressure and I went on to demonstrate how to win the game.
FINALLY!
A win. It was the one I needed to give some of the confidence back that I had lost. Confidence is a lot like a chess rating though. You can lose a lot at once but it takes much longer for it to build back up. This wasn't a clean win but it was a win. I could go home and sleep a little better. Tournament results so far: 1.0/3. Mental results so far: 1.0/4.
Now it is Sunday. The final day. Only 2 games left. My plan is finish with at least 2.5/5. Do or die.
Round 4 turned out to the toughest game for me the entire tournament. I decided to play the Kan Sicilian and it felt extremely tactical during the game. I took a lot of time and I think I actually ended up in a worse position in the middle of the middle game. However, I have also learned how to complicate positions over the board as well for people around my rating. I got to play some deflection tactics, I won the exchange thanks to my opponent trapping his rook in the middle of the board, and I was able to finish the game by sacrificing my rook to promote a pawn. Then my Queen was able to battle his Knight to bring in the win.
WOW.
2 wins in a row now. 2.0/4 in the tournament. Only half a point away from my plan. The confidence was seeping back into my body now. I could win the final round. Sure I could. I just need to play smart chess. Let's do it.
Round 5, here we go.
My opponent opened with 1. d4. Since I would be okay with a draw here I elect to go for the solid Slav defense. I held up well against Kiru in the first game and my loss came because of mistakes after the opening phase. I can do this. And then I make a rookie mistake.
I try to hold onto my pawn after capturing on c4 with b5 and then a6. I am now down a pawn early in the game. Now mentally upset with myself and the rest of the tournament is rearing itself back into my mind. I close my eyes, take several deep breaths, slow my heart rate. Reopen my eyes and shove the negative thoughts into a locked box. Time to focus only on the game in front of me. I'm only down a pawn, I can still hold out for a draw and maybe I can even get a win.
The game continues and gets even more complicated in the middle game. Multiple captures and multiple in-between moves to consider in my calculations. The pressure is on.
The smoke has cleared and as I stare through it with only one eye halfway open, I am surviving.
Then to my surprise, my opponent boldly miscalculates and loses a piece!
Alright, time to close my eyes, take several deep breaths, and slow my heart rate. I have lost several won games before in the past (some in this tournament) and so I know it is time to focus even more.
I end up in a King and pawn endgame except I have a Bishop. I don't think I played it accurately but I was able to finesse my King around his king and pawns and went on to win the final game.
WHOA!
After starting out 0/4 I finished 3/6. In the tournament I finished with 3.0/5.
I don't think my games are that instructive. What I hope is more instructive is the mental toughness that one can have even when they don't think they can. One thing I find that will separate great players from good players is perseverance. I may have started too late to be great but I won't stop until I find out.
I am competitive. I am driven. I don't know how to stop. This is my road to the Expert title. I look forward to seeing you all along the way.
Well, the game was going my way and then against my own judgement of playing "simple chess", I decided to complicate matters and then failed to convert one more time to end up in time pressure and refusing a draw with 9 seconds on my clock due to being stubborn.
Here is the final winning position for me:
After feeling like I should have won and not, I decided to do something I never do. I reentered the tournament.
My "first" round game was at 10am Saturday morning. This time I was paired against Luke Harris and I had a 2-1 record against him. I had the White pieces which meant I was going to see the Dragon variation of the Sicilian defense. Sure enough I did. This time I grabbed my pawn early in the game but it allowed way too much activity for his pieces and my King succumbed to his fiery dragon.
Man. At this point in the tournament I am in the exact same position of 0/1. However, mentally I was 0/2. I tried to mentally remind myself that I still only had 1 loss and that I won money last year with only losing one game.
This didn't work. My confidence was falling faster than American's trust in our political system.
Then round 2 was here. I wanted a win. I needed a win for my mental state. I chose to play the Dutch against his 1. d4. I was playing it pretty well too and then I left a crucial pawn without any defenders and the strategic poison of the Dutch started to corrode my position and mind. Another loss.
Tournament showed me 0/2. But my mind was telling me 0/3. Ouch!
I took a walk over to Boardwalk Billy's and got some chicken tenders. They usually make me feel better. Usually.
I walk back and challenge some people to blitz games and even though I lose 90% of them it got my excitement for chess back.
I had considered withdrawing and spending the rest of the weekend with my family. Not that I don't love my family but I had worked too hard to just give up.
Alright, time for round 3. Time to turn this around, hopefully. I just wish my mind would stop reminding me I was really 0/3.
Finally, my mind clicked through to chess mode and my opponent made a mistake in the opening to lose a central pawn in the Ruy Lopez. Then I decided to go on a Napoleon-like conquering expedition of the entire board. Meanwhile I allowed my king to be stabbed through the weak holes like Julius Caesar. Once we traded down, I think my opponent had a final chance to put some nails in my coffin in a King, Rook, and pawns endgame. However, he failed to keep the pressure and I went on to demonstrate how to win the game.
FINALLY!
A win. It was the one I needed to give some of the confidence back that I had lost. Confidence is a lot like a chess rating though. You can lose a lot at once but it takes much longer for it to build back up. This wasn't a clean win but it was a win. I could go home and sleep a little better. Tournament results so far: 1.0/3. Mental results so far: 1.0/4.
Now it is Sunday. The final day. Only 2 games left. My plan is finish with at least 2.5/5. Do or die.
Round 4 turned out to the toughest game for me the entire tournament. I decided to play the Kan Sicilian and it felt extremely tactical during the game. I took a lot of time and I think I actually ended up in a worse position in the middle of the middle game. However, I have also learned how to complicate positions over the board as well for people around my rating. I got to play some deflection tactics, I won the exchange thanks to my opponent trapping his rook in the middle of the board, and I was able to finish the game by sacrificing my rook to promote a pawn. Then my Queen was able to battle his Knight to bring in the win.
WOW.
2 wins in a row now. 2.0/4 in the tournament. Only half a point away from my plan. The confidence was seeping back into my body now. I could win the final round. Sure I could. I just need to play smart chess. Let's do it.
Round 5, here we go.
My opponent opened with 1. d4. Since I would be okay with a draw here I elect to go for the solid Slav defense. I held up well against Kiru in the first game and my loss came because of mistakes after the opening phase. I can do this. And then I make a rookie mistake.
I try to hold onto my pawn after capturing on c4 with b5 and then a6. I am now down a pawn early in the game. Now mentally upset with myself and the rest of the tournament is rearing itself back into my mind. I close my eyes, take several deep breaths, slow my heart rate. Reopen my eyes and shove the negative thoughts into a locked box. Time to focus only on the game in front of me. I'm only down a pawn, I can still hold out for a draw and maybe I can even get a win.
The game continues and gets even more complicated in the middle game. Multiple captures and multiple in-between moves to consider in my calculations. The pressure is on.
The smoke has cleared and as I stare through it with only one eye halfway open, I am surviving.
Then to my surprise, my opponent boldly miscalculates and loses a piece!
Alright, time to close my eyes, take several deep breaths, and slow my heart rate. I have lost several won games before in the past (some in this tournament) and so I know it is time to focus even more.
I end up in a King and pawn endgame except I have a Bishop. I don't think I played it accurately but I was able to finesse my King around his king and pawns and went on to win the final game.
WHOA!
After starting out 0/4 I finished 3/6. In the tournament I finished with 3.0/5.
I don't think my games are that instructive. What I hope is more instructive is the mental toughness that one can have even when they don't think they can. One thing I find that will separate great players from good players is perseverance. I may have started too late to be great but I won't stop until I find out.
I am competitive. I am driven. I don't know how to stop. This is my road to the Expert title. I look forward to seeing you all along the way.
Yup, perserverence! And welcome back!
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